I remember once upon a time, a certain teacher assigned me a project over the Easter holiday. We were to read certain sections of the book and write summaries about that section. It was, of course, busy work and a way for making up lost time. But I, as usual, waited until the last minute to do the project and did not complete it.
Come Monday morning, I went to turn in the assignment and saw that my mother had written me a note, an excuse as you will, for not completing the assignment. At first I was relieved, because this meant that there was no way I was going to fail the assignment. I showed up that morning and turned in the project with the note tucked inside. I do not know what the note said, but I really did not care. All I really cared about was not getting a failing grade or getting into trouble.
So today, the situation has turned around on me. Today, a parent became very upset that her child would fail my class for the quarter because he did not do the work and turned in an incomplete project. Never mind the fact that I notified the parent about countless problems I was having with her child during the 3 weeks we worked on it. Never mind the fact that I gave the child almost 2 additional weeks to redo the project and earn his points back. Today, according to this parent, I have failed her child.
So I sit and wonder. When my mother wrote me that note, was she failing me? She took great risk in doing that, because this was also a person she had to work beside day after day. It wasn’t as if she just had to come in for a parent conference, say her piece, and leave. No, she had to deal with this and chose to deal with it instead of having me deal with the responsibility.
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. My intentions were to give the child a chance to take care of his responsibility on his own. For once, this year, I was going to let this kid decide he and he alone could fix his problem. And in a sense, I suppose I have failed this child because he was not going to do so.
And now, I will sit and wait to see this parent tomorrow, sitting in the principals office, and hear her tell me how I obviously do not like her child because he has improved in all the other classes except mine. Could it be that with my 8 years more experience than these other teachers that I expect more? Of course not. Her child has failed because I did not do the right thing. I did not tell his mom that he had bombed the project. I did not give her kid a chance.
Truth is, you get chances everyday to see what type of person you really are. In my heart, I believe I did right by this kid. I gave him every opportunity to do his best work, extra time, and the opportunity to do the right thing. And now the question stands: who will pay the consequences?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
One of those days
I think it is now official: I am one of those hermits that dives into a depression and sits on her couch and does nothing. I am Sarah this time last year. I thought I was doing just fine. I mean I was getting out some, hanging with some people from work, going to book club, taking an occasional weekend away. But today, my neighbors decided it was time for an intervention. It made me a little emotional. It wasn’t like she was trying to pry into my life, but I had a rough day and it hit me kinda hard.
The day sort of began like any other day except for the first 5 hours we just sat and watched 24 kids take a test. But I forgot to do a few things today and of course I got the brunt of it. I have been forgetting a lot of things lately. I have been screwing up a lot. I have pissed quite a few people off. And yet, I manage to get out of bed and keep on going. So tomorrow we will be back on a regular schedule and I will fight through the day to try and actually try to teach something even though none of them will actually learn anything. And to tell you the truth I find some comfort in it. And to tell you the truth I find it disheartening.
There are days like today that make me feel lost in this world. And yet, I know I have a path to walk. It just seems that walking it these days takes a great deal of energy.
And I miss my mom. I miss talking to her about this. And it is days like this that I feel it more.
The day sort of began like any other day except for the first 5 hours we just sat and watched 24 kids take a test. But I forgot to do a few things today and of course I got the brunt of it. I have been forgetting a lot of things lately. I have been screwing up a lot. I have pissed quite a few people off. And yet, I manage to get out of bed and keep on going. So tomorrow we will be back on a regular schedule and I will fight through the day to try and actually try to teach something even though none of them will actually learn anything. And to tell you the truth I find some comfort in it. And to tell you the truth I find it disheartening.
There are days like today that make me feel lost in this world. And yet, I know I have a path to walk. It just seems that walking it these days takes a great deal of energy.
And I miss my mom. I miss talking to her about this. And it is days like this that I feel it more.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
We All Shine On
This is the eulogy I delivered at my mother's funeral services. I would like to thank everyone that made a difference in her life.
There are many different beliefs about death and life after death in this world. I personally believe that our Spirit lives forever and that God is in everyone, everything and everywhere. We are all one. We are love. And in a world where things are ever-changing, there is but one thing certain: we are all bound for the great journey. Today, we celebrate the embarkment of my mother’s great journey, her next big adventure.
So how do we celebrate such a life, such a person that is everything to everyone? We remember the light she shone upon each and every one of us. We all know that my mother was full of love and light and she was generous with it. I am truly grateful that I was blessed with the short time I have had here on this planet with her. Today, I would like to thank her for what shehas given me, what she has taught me.
My mother gave me the true gift of family, teaching me that it is something you do nottake for granted. As you all well know, my mother loved her family and would do anything she could for them, even if it meant sacrificing something on her part. She was always there to help me whether it was lending me money to fix my car, giving support when I had a bad day and thought I was a lousy teacher, or just making me laugh by telling me about her day. She also taught me that family is not only those that are kin to you by blood, but they are those that you love and hold in your heart. These are the people who are there in your greatest time of need.
I think my mother often worried about my living far away with no spouse or partner or children. But this summer, she and my Aunt Diane came to visit and helped me redecorate my house. We spent five days working almost around the clock, and we laughed so much. When we finally got to a point where we needed a break, my friends took all of us out for pedicures and Mexican Food. This was when she met my family. After spending time with them, I think then she knew that I had everything I needed in the world as far as support and friendship and that I would be ok.
She taught me self-reliance…that even though there were people in my life that I could depend on to help me out, I needed to know how to take care of myself. My mother did not always take good care of herself as she should have, but she did take time to focus on what was important: time spent with those she loved. She spent a great deal of time with her grandchildren,Kaili and Katelyn, going to soccer games, Williamsburg, Disney World, and just this past Christmas, she took them to the Great Wolf Lodge. She loved to travel, especially to the Caribbean. I will never forget the family vacations to Key West when we all (whole family)went. Every day was a new adventure and what she called an opportunity to “make a memory.” I am truly grateful for that time with her and with the people she loved.
She taught me the importance of education in all senses of the word. Being aware of the way things work gets you far in life. She often demonstrated to me that choosing your words with eloquence, tact and thoughtfulness would get you much farther than anger, hurt and frustration. I was able to get out of being grounded much more often because of this. She would say to me, “Shelley, you attract far more flies with honey than your do with vinegar.” A good argument backed up with facts is hard to dispute, and a little compromise at the right time helps everyone. (No wonder she was such a good lawyer!)
She taught me that no matter what, I should be proud of the person I am…that it is important to walk my own path and beat my own drum. I think from early on my mother realized I was going to be different. But she let me be myself and gave me every opportunity to try anything I wanted, no matter how much time it took or how much it cost. Sometimes this worked out quite well because I still love the game of basketball. And sometimes it was awful; I still cannot stand the taste of Beef Stroganoff. But she told me that it was important to try new things in life and that variety made life so much more fun.
As I came into my own as an adult, I understood that I could not be anyone but myself and that it was important to accept myself, with all the faults that it encompassed. For me, this realization, this acceptance, has made the world around me make better sense. It’s also made me a much more interesting person.
But I think most importantly she taught me to be grateful for what I have, instead of focusing on what I don’t have. Growing up, I did not “want” for much. I had what I needed plus more than many others that I grew up with. She taught me that sharing this gift with others is what makes having it worthwhile. We often invited friends over for Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas. My best friend spent more time at my house than her own.
Mama taught me that it is more important to give than to receive, that the best gift you can give anyone is yourself, and that when you love someone, love them with everything you have…so they will know that you are a part of one another forever.
And so I thank you, Mom, for all the opportunities to “make a memory”…for all the lessons about family, self-reliance, education, self-acceptance, gratitude, and most importantly, love. You were…and continue to be…my best teacher.
I leave you with this…
A great scientist, physicist and human being Albert Einstein once said:
Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.
I believe the best way to honor the light my mother has given us is to pay it forward. For whatever she has done for you, in whatever way she has touched you, for whatever memories you have of her, make them live on through your deeds to others. Let her light shine through your world, and she will live on forever, making our world a better place to be.
There are many different beliefs about death and life after death in this world. I personally believe that our Spirit lives forever and that God is in everyone, everything and everywhere. We are all one. We are love. And in a world where things are ever-changing, there is but one thing certain: we are all bound for the great journey. Today, we celebrate the embarkment of my mother’s great journey, her next big adventure.
So how do we celebrate such a life, such a person that is everything to everyone? We remember the light she shone upon each and every one of us. We all know that my mother was full of love and light and she was generous with it. I am truly grateful that I was blessed with the short time I have had here on this planet with her. Today, I would like to thank her for what shehas given me, what she has taught me.
My mother gave me the true gift of family, teaching me that it is something you do nottake for granted. As you all well know, my mother loved her family and would do anything she could for them, even if it meant sacrificing something on her part. She was always there to help me whether it was lending me money to fix my car, giving support when I had a bad day and thought I was a lousy teacher, or just making me laugh by telling me about her day. She also taught me that family is not only those that are kin to you by blood, but they are those that you love and hold in your heart. These are the people who are there in your greatest time of need.
I think my mother often worried about my living far away with no spouse or partner or children. But this summer, she and my Aunt Diane came to visit and helped me redecorate my house. We spent five days working almost around the clock, and we laughed so much. When we finally got to a point where we needed a break, my friends took all of us out for pedicures and Mexican Food. This was when she met my family. After spending time with them, I think then she knew that I had everything I needed in the world as far as support and friendship and that I would be ok.
She taught me self-reliance…that even though there were people in my life that I could depend on to help me out, I needed to know how to take care of myself. My mother did not always take good care of herself as she should have, but she did take time to focus on what was important: time spent with those she loved. She spent a great deal of time with her grandchildren,Kaili and Katelyn, going to soccer games, Williamsburg, Disney World, and just this past Christmas, she took them to the Great Wolf Lodge. She loved to travel, especially to the Caribbean. I will never forget the family vacations to Key West when we all (whole family)went. Every day was a new adventure and what she called an opportunity to “make a memory.” I am truly grateful for that time with her and with the people she loved.
She taught me the importance of education in all senses of the word. Being aware of the way things work gets you far in life. She often demonstrated to me that choosing your words with eloquence, tact and thoughtfulness would get you much farther than anger, hurt and frustration. I was able to get out of being grounded much more often because of this. She would say to me, “Shelley, you attract far more flies with honey than your do with vinegar.” A good argument backed up with facts is hard to dispute, and a little compromise at the right time helps everyone. (No wonder she was such a good lawyer!)
She taught me that no matter what, I should be proud of the person I am…that it is important to walk my own path and beat my own drum. I think from early on my mother realized I was going to be different. But she let me be myself and gave me every opportunity to try anything I wanted, no matter how much time it took or how much it cost. Sometimes this worked out quite well because I still love the game of basketball. And sometimes it was awful; I still cannot stand the taste of Beef Stroganoff. But she told me that it was important to try new things in life and that variety made life so much more fun.
As I came into my own as an adult, I understood that I could not be anyone but myself and that it was important to accept myself, with all the faults that it encompassed. For me, this realization, this acceptance, has made the world around me make better sense. It’s also made me a much more interesting person.
But I think most importantly she taught me to be grateful for what I have, instead of focusing on what I don’t have. Growing up, I did not “want” for much. I had what I needed plus more than many others that I grew up with. She taught me that sharing this gift with others is what makes having it worthwhile. We often invited friends over for Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas. My best friend spent more time at my house than her own.
Mama taught me that it is more important to give than to receive, that the best gift you can give anyone is yourself, and that when you love someone, love them with everything you have…so they will know that you are a part of one another forever.
And so I thank you, Mom, for all the opportunities to “make a memory”…for all the lessons about family, self-reliance, education, self-acceptance, gratitude, and most importantly, love. You were…and continue to be…my best teacher.
I leave you with this…
A great scientist, physicist and human being Albert Einstein once said:
Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.
I believe the best way to honor the light my mother has given us is to pay it forward. For whatever she has done for you, in whatever way she has touched you, for whatever memories you have of her, make them live on through your deeds to others. Let her light shine through your world, and she will live on forever, making our world a better place to be.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
A Letter to a Friend
I was just thinking. You and I are a lot alike. Life is a dance and it requires a partner, so you and I seem to always be looking for partners. But you know what? Nothing lasts forever. Love may be one of those things that is ever present, but relationships never last forever. One of us is going to die in the end, and who knows if it lives on when you get to the other side. I have been trying to live in the now. It is hard. Mainly because at this moment, I want to be with someone else. But I can't, for various reasons. So what do I do in the meantime? I fill my time. I fill it with chores, work, other people, TV. But that is not living in this moment, happy with this moment.
Shamanic Principle number 5 states that love is being happy with someone or something. Love is something you are; not something you are in.
You and I need to strive for this. We need to be happy with ourselves. Now I see you over there thinking “I’ve been alone for so long.” Well, yeah. But are you happy with you? Are you the way you want to be?
I think about this question often these days. Is who I am now who I really want to be?
The answer to the question, for me, waivers every day. Yesterday, I was very happy with who I was. I had a great day. And I had a great day because I shared it with other people. I have come to find that I love sharing what I do. That is why I do what I do. I like to be around people—not all the time, but most of the time. I like interacting with them. I love sharing their experiences, I love laughing, I love the total enjoyment of bonding over food, jokes, movies, games, LIFE.
I love life. So perhaps what I am happy with most is living. And I think that from now on, I am going to stop sitting on my couch and waiting for life to come to me. I am going to go out and live it. Care to join me?
Shamanic Principle number 5 states that love is being happy with someone or something. Love is something you are; not something you are in.
You and I need to strive for this. We need to be happy with ourselves. Now I see you over there thinking “I’ve been alone for so long.” Well, yeah. But are you happy with you? Are you the way you want to be?
I think about this question often these days. Is who I am now who I really want to be?
The answer to the question, for me, waivers every day. Yesterday, I was very happy with who I was. I had a great day. And I had a great day because I shared it with other people. I have come to find that I love sharing what I do. That is why I do what I do. I like to be around people—not all the time, but most of the time. I like interacting with them. I love sharing their experiences, I love laughing, I love the total enjoyment of bonding over food, jokes, movies, games, LIFE.
I love life. So perhaps what I am happy with most is living. And I think that from now on, I am going to stop sitting on my couch and waiting for life to come to me. I am going to go out and live it. Care to join me?
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