I hate Mercury Retrograde and everything that goes with it.

I hate Mercury Retrograde and everything that goes with it.

I know, I know. It doesn’t have to be that bad, right?

For years now, on my spiritual awakening path I have heard the forewarnings of Mercury going into retrograde: Beware of communications! READ the fine print! Travel will be delayed! Your phone will cease to work!!

It get’s a little over exaggerated, but sometimes these things do happen.

So, when the times comes for that lovely planet to station and appear to go backwards in the sky, I prepare to go inward and reflect on things….which translates very often to me going into my hole and not coming out until it goes direct again. But lately, I have been “bombarded” by messages that Mercury in retrograde does not have to be so bad. It’s a good time to finish those projects you’ve already started and live in the now. Yeah, I can do that…..but….

This past time was pretty much a punch in the gut. Not only did I feel like crap through part of it, things did seem to go a bit off, mainly on the communications front. I followed the cardinal rules and didn’t sign any contracts, but boy did my words not come out right. It seems that Mercury cannot, nor can anyone else, read my mind. Good lesson.

I’ve also been getting many messages lately of surrender and acceptance. As a Capricorn, I tend to try to make things happen. When I see that something needs to be done, I take it upon myself to go ahead and do it. It means that I can be quite effective. It also means that I tend to get into situations where I over-do it. This is where I need to surrender and accept.

But in the 3-D old earth plane, there is a stigma that comes with the word surrender. Most would say it means to “give up the battle.” But I have come to realize that it does not have to mean that. A friend of mine, Patricia Tadlock, said it best like this:

“When we surrender, we reach a place of acceptance, knowing that we are truly the author of our own lives. We are not weak when we surrender to “what is”…we gift ourselves with the ability to understand the concept of oneness with all humanity. We are no longer waging a war within ourselves.”

I don’t need to be a part of every problem presented and I don’t need to come up with every solution. Sometimes—and maybe most times, I just need to let it be. Let go and let Goddess. Jesus, take the wheel. But more importantly, let my higher self do the work—since she already has.

So perhaps it is time for me to stop all my Capricorning and start living. My guides have been urging me for a year now to have more fun. And since my life is getting ready to change yet again, I should be enjoying the time rather than worrying what is going to happen next. Besides, I am the master of every situation, my life, and my universe.

A New Journey

I was looking back at my travel blog and realized that it’s been over a year since I posted and I wonder what happened. I didn’t even document my trip to Honduras. But I think I realize what happened. I got stuck. I got stuck in a place I did not belong and truth be told, I was somewhat miserable there. I just didn’t know it.

I had these grand dreams of settling down and starting a family. Fortunately, the Universe has other plans for me. She has a harsh way of showing me reality, but truthfully I would have never left if she didn’t. 

Recently I picked up a copy of Tales of a Female Nomad by Rita Goldman Gelman and became enthralled. Here is a woman who at 47 years old sells all of her possessions and begins a life of travel. She has no real home and enjoys only staying in places for no more than 6 months at at time. I realized that I miss traveling. I miss the adventure of meeting new people, and trying new food, and new adventures. Perhaps I have become too accustomed to warm showers and soft beds. Perhaps I am antsy and unhappy because I am in one place for too long or holding on to too much.

This year I have had to let go of my home, a relationship, a family, some possessions, and recently, my long time companion puppy of 14 years. See, in my life I have always had plan B if things didn’t work out. This time, I don’t have plan B. As a matter of fact, I have no plan at all. It’s the first time in my life that I don’t have a plan. And I am unnerved by it. 

But this week, I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I had to release my Emma Girl, my first real pet and and greatest companion. But in doing this act of compassion, she gave me a gift as well.  She helped me see that letting go of everything else was going to be easy. All I had to do was trust in myself and the Universe. 

So now, I am ready to hit the road again. But instead of doing something across an ocean, I’m going to get in my car. The general plan is to head north. I have always wanted to visit New England and it being August and I have this issue with really cold weather, I think this is the perfect time to go. Marley, my other faithful four-legged companion is going to accompany me on the trip. I have tentative plans of stopping and visiting a few friends in Delaware and Pennsylvania, but other than that there is no plan. There are no reservations, there are no planned routes. There is just me, my dog, and the Goddess guiding me through.

P.S. be looking for new posts on the Travel Blog soon! 

The Butterfly Effect

We never really know another human being on this plane. We know people based on their words and their actions, but when you give humans a chance, they will surprise you. The cruelest person in the world can perform an amazing act of kindness. And the kindest person you know can step out of character and perform an act of cruelty.

I try not to judge people. I try not to play the victim when they do things because none of them are doing things to me. But the things they do affect me, as it does with all of us. It’s like the butterfly effect. You know—a butterfly flaps his wings in South America and disrupts the weather patterns and before you know it, we have a typhoon in Hong Kong. Human emotions and actions are like that. We are in each other’s energy field. We affect each other.

But how many people actually do something and think about how it will affect the rest of us? 

None of us really. I mean, when I get into my car to drive to the store for beer, I don’t think about how any of that is affecting anyone. I don’t think about the emissions my car is blowing into the air, how I am wearing down the roads or how I am stirring up the air around me. I don’t think about how I am helping the economy by buying local or helping out that NC microbrew with my $8 purchase. I don’t think about how I am projecting my own depression when the clerk asks me how I am doing and I lie by saying I am fine. 

I don’t often take responsibility for my attitude or my actions. This week, a friend and I had a short conversation about being responsible for our own energy. Often times when things—life—get’s us down, we tend to sit and mope. But we don’t think about how our energy affects the people around us. We don’t think about how we project our own emotions onto others by asking simple questions about their own actions or not being honest about how we feel about things. 

This year has been the toughest year I have ever had. I have been faced with many emotions and situations that have left me paralyzed for days on my couch. And although I know that I need to sit with the emotions and process and heal, I haven’t really thought about how I am affecting others. But when your roommate comes home and the first thing she does is light a stick of incense, you know what you are bringing in.

This morning, my Message from the Universe went something like this: “Just look around, Shelley. In your office, your neighborhood, down the street. You have 7 billion very special friends. 

Yet every single one of them have upcoming forks in the road of their life that will take them, at least temporarily, out of your sight and beyond your reach. 

Although for now, they're so incredibly near, you have so much in common, and they're in your life because you love them and they love you. 

Treasure every beautiful second.” 

I resolve today to take responsibility for my energy. I resolve today to treasure every beautiful second I spend in someones presence and do my best to spread something positive into the world. And although I know that as a human being I will have my ups and downs, and I will experience bliss and grief, I will do everything that I can to make sure that what I project in this world is for the good of all of us, because I do love all of you. <3

Somewhere, there is a boat load of money in teaching.

There are some days that I really love my job. I love the idea that every day, I can sit down with a group of young minds and make them think about things that they have never thought of before. I love to watch them debate about topics they care about, see them get excited when they totally understand a new concept. I love to see the smiles on their faces when they actually work for that “A” and get it.

And then there are days that I wonder why I do this job.

Lately I have been contemplating a career change. I have been thinking about going to law school. I've been reading books, asking opinions, and eliciting those that are experienced in the law. I do find it fascinating, especially international law. I also find that I like the idea of dressing in a suit and going to an office where I do something amazing for someone….and make a shit load of money doing it.

But what I think I like the most is the fact that lawyers are considered professionals. They go to school and get advanced degrees, dress well, and in some areas, they are well respected for the craft they do. At least, we seem to think so because we will pay them $300+ an hour to get us out of a speeding ticket.

But I am a teacher and I don’t dress in a business suit every day. In order to do my job, I needed 4 years of college with extra classes in the areas I wanted to teach in order to be highly qualified.  I also had to take special classes to teach AIG kids.  I had to take 2 standardized tests and pass them and then pay for my own license. Each year, I have to accumulate a certain amount of additional credits to renew my license and I do these through “professional development” classes. If I want to make more money, I can go back to school and earn an advanced degree or apply for the National Boards.

I work upwards of 50 hours per week at school and sometimes a few more at home. I am required to stay after sometimes for parent conferences, games and events. I am required to submit my lesson plans weekly, and if they are not clear enough, I am asked about them. I get observed 4 times a year—3 by administration and one by a peer. I am required to keep my grades current and post them online so that parents can see how their children are doing daily. I do all of this for $35000 a year.

No doubt—I do a lot. And I do it for those few moments I get when a child (and even parent) is appreciative of all I have done for their kids. But there are days that I wonder why I am still here.

I was reading Adam Kirk Edgerton’s Huffington Post Article on “Why I Quit Teaching,” the other day and he pretty much summed up my attitude of the whole mess.  He quit teaching because he was “tired of feeling powerless.” Teachers are not treated as professionals. We are treated very much like children. And most of us don’t quit because of the kids, we quit because we feel as if society doesn't value us as professionals. If you haven’t read it, I totally recommend you do.

Ron Clark, educator and founder of Ron Clark Academy in Georgia recommends that if teachers want to be treated as professionals, then they must dress the part. I know that I feel differently when I come to school in a nice blouse and slacks instead of my khakis and sneakers. But the truth is, it doesn't seem to matter what I wear to work on those days that are not “casual Friday.” I am still paid the same, I am still observed the same, I am still treated the same. It seems to me that if I am a defining moment in a child’s life, and they see me every day for 180 days of the year, if I am teaching them values and morals along with history and math and science and social studies and literature (and dance, music, PE, theater, computers, and all the other subjects I didn't mention) that I should be treated as a professional. I should be valued as an asset to our society and that I too am worth $300 an hour for my services. 

  

As for me, the jury is still out on law school. My purpose this year is to find my bliss and make money doing it. It’s been a hard road so far, mainly because it is hard to find something (besides a good book) that truly consumes me. But today, I sat down during my planning period to work on a new unit for my discovery class. This is an “enrichment” class for students who do not need all the extra help in math and reading and a free time to learn something different. My science teacher and I have been doing a forensics unit with them and they have really enjoyed it. So I want to do something equally as fun the next quarter. And as I was frantically typing out my brilliant plans, I realized that what I really love to do is design curriculum. Curriculum that makes sense to these kids, allows them to be hands on, fun, and works in the real world. I was totally caught up in what I was doing, I lost track of the time and almost missed the bell. That’s what I want for my kids:  to get so caught up in learning that they lose track of time.

Now if only I could make a shit load of money doing it.

Tis the Season....

As I get older, I have come to appreciate the month of November a little more. I think it is because the Thanksgiving holiday comes around and we are all reminded to take a day to enjoy family and friends and to truly take a moment of gratitude for the things that we have in this life. It also marks the beginning of the Christmas season, a time of year when the entire world is supposed to come together in love, peace and the spirit of giving. Unfortunately, we seem to forget what the season is truly about.

 Now, for you Christians out there, I am not referring to the birth of Jesus. After all, he was most likely born in July anyway. I am referring to the idea of GIVING—NOT GETTING. I know as a kid we get all excited making out our Christmas lists so that Santa will know exactly what we want. I know as a child I was somewhat spoiled in this arena. After all, I can’t remember one thing that I asked for and did not get. But then again, I was taught at an early age to be grateful for any gift that was given to me whether it was on my list or not. Remember that saying “it’s the thought that counts?” Well, think that if someone gives you a gift, they were thinking of you, and probably fondly.  Did you ever hand the gift back and say “what made you think I wanted this?” No, because it is rude and selfish.

This past weekend, my family had our Christmas gathering. Our tradition consists of drawing names of others on the opposite side of our family so we are not burdened by buying so many gifts. The adults do this, but when it comes to the children, we actually all buy them gifts. This year, we had only 4 children to buy for, one being less than a year old. As most of us opened maybe one or two gifts from our family members, these children were going through as many as 7 and 8 gifts, not bothering to check labels or names to see who gave them what. And then at the end of it all, my niece decides that what she got was not enough because the younger one in the bunch received a poster booklet that she wanted. It wasn't enough that she got a microscope, a telescope, clothes, gift cards, a chemistry set, candy—she wanted to know why she did not get that poster booklet. What she didn't know is that she was to get one on Christmas Day. But it was way more important that she got it now. I was disappointed because the only one who said anything to her was me and her grandfather.  After all, she never said thank you to me for her present.

And then, there is my work place. As a grade level, we have decided to do secret Santa this year. I drew the name of a teacher I love and respect a great deal and was very excited to give her some gifts. I picked them out based on a list that she made. On the first day, she complained that she hadn't received anything. The problem was I wasn't able to get the present to her without her knowing it was me. The second and third days, I sent a gift to her but there was a mix up and someone else got it. Each day, I had to hear how disappointed she was that her secret Santa had only given her one gift. I watched this teacher—an adult mind you—pitch the same fit that my 10 year old niece threw. The next day, I made sure she got the gift with a note attached:

“I am terribly sorry that there was a mix-up and you did not get the gifts that were for you. Please accept these gifts with my sincerest apologies. I know how you love secret Santa and you deserve better.”

Do you think I was overly dramatic?

Anyway, I believe that the whole idea of giving gifts should be that you want to give this person something because you like them, respect them, want to show them that you are in their heart for whatever reason—whether you love them as a lover, friend, or colleague. When I give a gift, I do not expect one in return. I don’t think I am owed anything.  I just want the person to know that I have thought of them. To me, that is the truest gift of all. I mean, did the Wisemen actually expect the 9 lb 2 oz baby Jesus to give them something back? Ugh.

Second Guessing and Unintentional Lessons

Most days, I doubt that I am teaching my kids enough. I stand at the top of this room and look out over those faces and worry.Worry that I am letting them down. They are so young and seem to know so little.

Then occasionally, I have a bright idea. This time, I assigned them to write a biographical essay on someone that they know who has had to persevere. This was not meant to be a hard topic or even a deep one. The assignment was pretty simple too: interview a person, convert the interview into an essay.

Now any writing assignment for these kids is actually not that easy--well, not from my end. It seems as though getting words on paper is like pulling teeth. They don't know where to start--a thesis statement is somewhat foreign to them. But most of them try very hard.

My reward for this assignment comes when the kids realize things about their parents or loved ones that they did not know before. Perhaps they didn't know that raising kids was a hard job, that divorce isn't easy on parents either. That even though the students are expected to go to college, the parents dreams are unrealized because their children came first.

One afternoon, I sat with a student as he tried to put his introductory paragraph together. He was struggling with how to describe his own father, who has been in a wheel chair for a while. I started asking him questions about how his dad did day to day things that he took for granted. The student just looked up at me and said "you know, I never really paid any attention to it. Maybe I should start."

And then I realize I have taught them something unintentionally, and those are the best lessons.

Why Do I Teach Middle School?

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately written by former teachers. Former teachers who first chose this profession because they were idealistic and wanted to make a difference. Former teachers who now feel that our education system doesn’t work. As a middle school teacher, I have started to agree with them.

When I tell others what I do for a living (I teach middle school Language Arts/social studies), the usual response goes through a spectrum of “oh, bless your heart” to “oh dear.” Most adults know that this is the age that is the most challenging. Here our kids are growing exponentially quicker than they have since they were newborns. They are learning about their bodies, about the opposite sex, and that the world they live in and their parents are --dare I say it--not perfect. They are met with challenges of fitting in and being an individual at the same time. They are still between the elementary and high school stages where you are not sure they are ready for that movie even though it is rated PG-13. 

As an AIG teacher (Academically and intellectually gifted) I am met with similar challenges when it comes to educating my students. They learn at a faster rate than most and usually have been exposed to much more of the world and cultures. However,  there are times when we reach a topic in class that has inspired them to go out and learn more, but also involves crossing that boundary into age appropriateness. These past weeks, our social studies classes learned about the invisible children and Kony 2012. They had a guest speaker come in and talk to them and educate them that life in other parts of the world is much worse. Some were even inspired to join the march in Washington DC and give money to the cause. 

One student in particular went home and demanded (to her parents) that they take her to the march and help her to support this cause. The parents were upset. They went to the superintendent and the board of education. How dare we expose her child to the harshness of the world outside of the United States. She was so distraught over what was happening in Africa that she MUST do something and there was no way the “quench her thirst.”

But isn’t this what education is all about? Aren’t we, as educators, supposed to inspire students to stand up for the weak, to help when we can, to make them aware that the rest of the world is a different place? Aren’t we supposed to guide them to be aware of the leaders we choose, to introduce them to new ideas, to encourage them to make a difference?

I was recently planning a trip to China with my students. It is the same trip that I went on this past summer and one of the social studies teachers was planning it with me. But after this one parent got upset over this presentation, she is now afraid to even approach the school about our trip. I have chosen to plan it alone, because I will not be daunted. However, one parent--just one--has scared one teacher enough into not going that extra mile.

A friend of mine recently posted that her 5th grader was looking into private/charter schools because she was not getting challenged enough in her regular school. And I have to say, I support this kid for standing up for her education. Education--in it’s purest form--is messy. It is emotional. It is hands on and it is EXPERIENCE. 

So why did I choose middle school and STILL choose middle school? Because it is messy. Because I hope that one day I will inspire one kid to reach out beyond the fear and make a difference. Because one teacher did that for me and I am paying it forward.