We All Shine On

This is the eulogy I delivered at my mother's funeral services. I would like to thank everyone that made a difference in her life.

There are many different beliefs about death and life after death in this world. I personally believe that our Spirit lives forever and that God is in everyone, everything and everywhere. We are all one. We are love. And in a world where things are ever-changing, there is but one thing certain: we are all bound for the great journey. Today, we celebrate the embarkment of my mother’s great journey, her next big adventure.

So how do we celebrate such a life, such a person that is everything to everyone? We remember the light she shone upon each and every one of us. We all know that my mother was full of love and light and she was generous with it. I am truly grateful that I was blessed with the short time I have had here on this planet with her. Today, I would like to thank her for what shehas given me, what she has taught me.

My mother gave me the true gift of family, teaching me that it is something you do nottake for granted. As you all well know, my mother loved her family and would do anything she could for them, even if it meant sacrificing something on her part. She was always there to help me whether it was lending me money to fix my car, giving support when I had a bad day and thought I was a lousy teacher, or just making me laugh by telling me about her day. She also taught me that family is not only those that are kin to you by blood, but they are those that you love and hold in your heart. These are the people who are there in your greatest time of need.

I think my mother often worried about my living far away with no spouse or partner or children. But this summer, she and my Aunt Diane came to visit and helped me redecorate my house. We spent five days working almost around the clock, and we laughed so much. When we finally got to a point where we needed a break, my friends took all of us out for pedicures and Mexican Food. This was when she met my family. After spending time with them, I think then she knew that I had everything I needed in the world as far as support and friendship and that I would be ok.

She taught me self-reliance…that even though there were people in my life that I could depend on to help me out, I needed to know how to take care of myself. My mother did not always take good care of herself as she should have, but she did take time to focus on what was important: time spent with those she loved. She spent a great deal of time with her grandchildren,Kaili and Katelyn, going to soccer games, Williamsburg, Disney World, and just this past Christmas, she took them to the Great Wolf Lodge. She loved to travel, especially to the Caribbean. I will never forget the family vacations to Key West when we all (whole family)went. Every day was a new adventure and what she called an opportunity to “make a memory.” I am truly grateful for that time with her and with the people she loved.

She taught me the importance of education in all senses of the word. Being aware of the way things work gets you far in life. She often demonstrated to me that choosing your words with eloquence, tact and thoughtfulness would get you much farther than anger, hurt and frustration. I was able to get out of being grounded much more often because of this. She would say to me, “Shelley, you attract far more flies with honey than your do with vinegar.” A good argument backed up with facts is hard to dispute, and a little compromise at the right time helps everyone. (No wonder she was such a good lawyer!)

She taught me that no matter what, I should be proud of the person I am…that it is important to walk my own path and beat my own drum. I think from early on my mother realized I was going to be different. But she let me be myself and gave me every opportunity to try anything I wanted, no matter how much time it took or how much it cost. Sometimes this worked out quite well because I still love the game of basketball. And sometimes it was awful; I still cannot stand the taste of Beef Stroganoff. But she told me that it was important to try new things in life and that variety made life so much more fun.

As I came into my own as an adult, I understood that I could not be anyone but myself and that it was important to accept myself, with all the faults that it encompassed. For me, this realization, this acceptance, has made the world around me make better sense. It’s also made me a much more interesting person.

But I think most importantly she taught me to be grateful for what I have, instead of focusing on what I don’t have. Growing up, I did not “want” for much. I had what I needed plus more than many others that I grew up with. She taught me that sharing this gift with others is what makes having it worthwhile. We often invited friends over for Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas. My best friend spent more time at my house than her own.

Mama taught me that it is more important to give than to receive, that the best gift you can give anyone is yourself, and that when you love someone, love them with everything you have…so they will know that you are a part of one another forever.

And so I thank you, Mom, for all the opportunities to “make a memory”…for all the lessons about family, self-reliance, education, self-acceptance, gratitude, and most importantly, love. You were…and continue to be…my best teacher.

I leave you with this…
A great scientist, physicist and human being Albert Einstein once said:

Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.

I believe the best way to honor the light my mother has given us is to pay it forward. For whatever she has done for you, in whatever way she has touched you, for whatever memories you have of her, make them live on through your deeds to others. Let her light shine through your world, and she will live on forever, making our world a better place to be.